I don't even know if people read this blog, but I guess it is a way for me to get things off my chest. I haven't been blogging in a while just because going from 2 kids to 4 is a big change... for me anyway.
I have days that I am excited, and some days I am sad. I have feelings that confuse me, and other days I have no clue how to react or respond.
Today is one of those days. Today is Shawns birthday. He is two and he has been with us 7 months. Last night we celebrated with my sister and her family. It makes me sad to know that a mother is broken today because she can't snuggle the child she gave birth to two years ago. It makes me sad to know that Malachi has two new teeth, and his mother has no idea. It makes me sad that I am only good enough to take care of Malachi short term, but I am not good enough to love him as a son. It makes me sad that Native Americans are the only ones who can adopt a Native American child.
I know it sounds that I favor one foster child over the next, but the truth is, Shawn has a mother who is trying her hardest to get her children back. I have never seen myself as his mom. He sees his mother and interacts with her, he hugs her and loves her. I am holding her place till she gets better.
The other situation breaks me. I can only hope that Malachi feels our love, and whatever family is fortunate to have him in their lives, lets him know how much we love him. In the meantime, I will journal my feelings, and his growth, and all the cute things he does like grabbing his feet during a diaper change, and smiling at a shelf.
As for our own kids, they are doing great. Sebastian is loving school, and Evi is growing up so fast. She helps me with the boys. Having foster kids makes me want to be a better mom. To hold and hug and kiss my kids, and tell them how important they are to me. To show them, that just because we are taking care of kids whose parents aren't able to care for them, doesn't make them less important. Hopefully they will see it as that we are showing love to someone who needs to be loved, right now in this moment.
I hope today you can look past the little things that are standing in the way of the big things. Let someone know that they are loved. A little snuggle time can go a long way.
Monday, October 19, 2009
It's been a while
Posted by Marlita at 8:07 AM
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6 comments:
You and Juan are such great parents! I am glad Shawn and Malachi have you...even if it is temporary!
I'm reading and have been missing you! You are an amazing mom Marlita...to all 4 of them! Thanks for updating!
Still reading....I am sad too. You are a great mom to all 4 of them!
Hey, you both are great parents!
If you start to forget that, let me know and I'll come TP your yard to get you back on track.
I'm sad with you too, but on the other hand, consider how much more rich the lives of these two boys will be because you sacrificed your time and bathed them with your love. That is something that in the deep, deep parts of their hearts, they will sense later on in life even if the won't be able to articulate it.
You're manning a very important post and one that doesn't get thanks or make the news, but it is VERY important.
We're behind you!
I think that you are a great mom and these two little ones are so blessed to have you in their lives whether it be for one more day or many more. Just keep pouring the love of Jesus over them and they will never forget it. Don't be sad, know that you are doing a good thing and that He is smiling down on you and saying Well DONE GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!!!!!!!
Love ya
I see and feel your heart, and I am totally convinced that these two little boys have been touched eternally by the love of you and your family. Oh yes, I read your blogs and miss them. You all have been blessed to have each other in your lives. Your brother is right...this is your post to man right now and it's very, very important. Love you, Aunt Sharon
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