Update

Some of you know that Malachi had an MRI yesterday. He did so good. I think I cried more than he did. I think what hurt the most was being in the waiting room, seeing families there to support their family members, and me being there alone.
His head has started having it's own growth pattern and the Pediatrician was a little concerned. His MRI showed that his sutures are still open, and the brain has room to grow. She said that operating wasn't the best option, but maybe a little helmet to help re-shape the head.
So we go back in 3 weeks to see if there is any change, and we may be headed (no pun intended) to Oklahoma City for the fitting of a helmet. Please continue to keep this little man in your prayers. I will keep you updated.

When Juan and I were expecting we never found out what we were having. We think it ruins the fun, like opening your Christmas present before Christmas. I feel that if we were meant to know what we were having, God would have made us with a little window on our belly so we could know what color to paint the walls ;-)
So when we found out we were expecting our second child, we thought of names. If it was a girl she was going to be Lilia Pearl and then we thought and thought and thought of boy names. We couldn't agree on a boy name. I wanted something short, since Evianna had a hard time in Pre-K learning to write her name. Levi, Marco, Max, Bob, Nick.. we could not find a name we could both agree on. Most people don't know that Sebastians first name is Juan, but I didn't want to have 2 Juan's in the house, so we agreed that we would call him by his middle name, since that is kind of a family tradition with the men in my family.
So on a Sunday on our way to church, we agreed that if it were a boy, he would be Juan Sebastian and I went into labor the following day.
So, Sebastian was born the next day. He is now in Pre-K and learning to write his name. I am so proud of him! The thing is.. once he realized how hard his name is to write, he decided he wants to be called "Pete" So here is his name written both ways.

It's been a while

I don't even know if people read this blog, but I guess it is a way for me to get things off my chest. I haven't been blogging in a while just because going from 2 kids to 4 is a big change... for me anyway.
I have days that I am excited, and some days I am sad. I have feelings that confuse me, and other days I have no clue how to react or respond.
Today is one of those days. Today is Shawns birthday. He is two and he has been with us 7 months. Last night we celebrated with my sister and her family. It makes me sad to know that a mother is broken today because she can't snuggle the child she gave birth to two years ago. It makes me sad to know that Malachi has two new teeth, and his mother has no idea. It makes me sad that I am only good enough to take care of Malachi short term, but I am not good enough to love him as a son. It makes me sad that Native Americans are the only ones who can adopt a Native American child.
I know it sounds that I favor one foster child over the next, but the truth is, Shawn has a mother who is trying her hardest to get her children back. I have never seen myself as his mom. He sees his mother and interacts with her, he hugs her and loves her. I am holding her place till she gets better.
The other situation breaks me. I can only hope that Malachi feels our love, and whatever family is fortunate to have him in their lives, lets him know how much we love him. In the meantime, I will journal my feelings, and his growth, and all the cute things he does like grabbing his feet during a diaper change, and smiling at a shelf.
As for our own kids, they are doing great. Sebastian is loving school, and Evi is growing up so fast. She helps me with the boys. Having foster kids makes me want to be a better mom. To hold and hug and kiss my kids, and tell them how important they are to me. To show them, that just because we are taking care of kids whose parents aren't able to care for them, doesn't make them less important. Hopefully they will see it as that we are showing love to someone who needs to be loved, right now in this moment.
I hope today you can look past the little things that are standing in the way of the big things. Let someone know that they are loved. A little snuggle time can go a long way.