At this point I have no idea who reads this blog. But I have been discouraged and could use some input. I don't know where to go or who to talk to so... I am coming to my blog readers ( that is if I have any).
We are foster parents. We enjoy it so much. I think when people think of foster care they get a bitter taste in their mouth and say "Oh, that's great... just not for me". And that is fine. It is not meant for everyone. But what I am frustrated about isn't about the foster kids themselves, it is the people involved in their world. Here is my problem:
We became the foster parents of Shawn on March 31, 2009. Before he came to live with us, our case worker called twice to tell us they found a child for us. Both of those didn't work out. Not because we didn't want them, but because our case worker said (several hours after telling us when we could pick him/her up) that she had found another home for said child. Then we got Shawn, and after a couple of months told our case worker that we would be willing to provide a home for another foster child. Again, she called and said that she had a child for us. Several hours later we got the call they had already found a home for that child. Then again last week, we got a call saying they had a child for us. I know.... I should have learned my lesson by now.
But all I can think of is that there a little babies in the shelter, who are wanting so bad to be held.. and rocked... and someone to sing a little song ( as bad as they may sing) and someone to tickle them while putting baby lotion on them after a bath.. and someone to watch and learn from... and someone to say "I love you and you are special".
So back to the call... we agreed when and where to meet. I went and picked up our newest little foster child, went to Wal-Mart and got him diapers, formula, bottles, and clothes. Then 9 hours later, I get another call. "His grandpa wants him". That is great! But why didn't he want him last week when he was put in the shelter? Why did you call me when he has a grandpa that obviously wants him in his life? Why make me tell my kids that this little guy can't live with us?
So I call our case worker... twice. She hasn't called me back yet. It's been 4 business days. My question is... do I have the right to ask for a different case worker, or are all of them going to be like this? I kinda feel like in 4 months that we have been fostering we have had 4 failed placements. Something is wrong with the system, when there are families waiting for kids, and they can't get on top of things. It makes fostering have a really bad rap, and this is something that is a huge blessing to these kids. But why should people want to open their lives to these kids when DHS is so messed up. Did I mention they wanted me to take this 8 month old to speech therapy? It is not these kids' fault that DHS is not the best organization, but it saddens me to know that people won't consider fostering while DHS is so messed up. Anyway... that is how I feel. Thanks for reading if you have gotten this far.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Could use some input
Posted by Marlita at 5:14 PM
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10 comments:
How's this for advice? "You should have gone through the Bair Foundation!" :) Just kidding.
Found this online:
"Case-workers in the U.S. are struggling to keep up with the thousands of foster care cases. The high stress and low pay often leads to unintended ambivalence and high turn-over rate in case-workers. Also, many lack the proper follow-up psychological training and can become numb to the inhumanity suffered by foster children. It is an injustice that so many social workers who begin with heroic intentions to be shoved aside by a system limited by money."
I'm not sure if that's true of your case worker or another one would be better, but I think it's awesome what you guys are trying to do! Don't get discouraged.
wow, I don't really know what to say. I am so sorry you have to go through all this. I know how much you guys have a heart for this. If it were we I would ask for a different case worker and see if that helps and then go from there.
If that doesn't work, is there a different organization you can go through? Maybe talk to a supervisor or manager. And of course most important, pray, pray and pray. Give everything you are feeling to the Lord and you will be surprised how He works it all out. I am always here if you need anything, even if I am in another state. I love you guys and will keep you in my prayers.
I understand your frustration - I deal with lots of case workers in my job, just in a different field. There are both good and bad case workers but they all have their hands tied by the system.
I know people that work in those shelters love those babies very much so don't feel it is a bad thing for them to be in a shelter for a short time. It is probably a better situation than their home.
This is one of the reasons there are so few foster homes. I guess you have to ask yourself - can my family and I handle all the changes and disappointments?
Hang in there. You are doing a great job. Shawn loves you.
Aunt Peg
Hi Marlita,
I think of what Charissa went through when they adopted Ava...so many disappointments along the way. You guys are doing a great job, and the Lord is smiling on your efforts, even though the plans doing pan out all the time. When God has the right child for you all the doors will swing open.
Love you
Aunt Sharon
A student of mine grew up in the foster care system. I'd love to talk to you sometime regarding her thoughts. She had a lot of detailed statistics as well as personal experience to support her ideas. I don't want to post it on here, but I'd share if you like.
Marlita, I have no experience or advice but I just wanted you to know that I faithfully read your blog and love that you do what you do. Is all that you've been frustrated with worth it to one little Shawn? I bet so. Keep strong.
Just imagine having these people in charge of your health care....
I would say to definitely request a new case worker. You totally have the right... who knows if the next CW would be any better, but it would be worth a try since you have had a negative experience with this worker. It really urks me when those workers don't return their calls! (I used to be a CW... not for DHS, but for a Children's Home.) The system is truly messed up and it's only the kids that suffer. Thank God for your sweet heart. Not a lot of people would stick around doing this because of the run-around they give you.
Hi Marlita,
I was going to say....talk to Beverly Kaupp. She works (or did last I knew) for the Bair Foundation and might have some good advice for you.
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